Just an Illusion....

Before you my life was bleak and dark. Knowing nothing of light or the sun. You came like a bright beam of hope in my dungeon of thick, mirky, darkness. You reached for my hand, reluctintally, blindly, I took it. Putting my faith in something not known and forign.

You believed in me where others faultered. You helped me find my ground. You tought me how to swim in the deepest oceans of the heart. When i slipped you rushed to my side and gently lifted me up. Giving me a brush to so delicatly paint an image of of you, only to put to much faith in the brush.... Time is at our backs pleading; with moments passing by like a smear in a painting. 

I gave you all i had left of my heart, delicate, and oh so breakable. You cupped it in your hands so carefully at first, only to realize too late, how weak your hands were, and seeing another, so easily dropped it. You took advantage of the power that came from holding my heart and be littled me with that abuse. I then watched, how easily you let my heart go. You shattered an already fragile heart...

A dark figure approaches to take my now ashen dead heart, to burry the remains.. it is no longer a figure.. it is a man. That face I could never forget. As you burry my heart, I realize you never wanted it in the first place. I clung so dearly to a reality that never came to be. You lead my heart to believe you truly loved me, only to burn me with the acidic fire of your words and actions. 

I believed you could change. The only thing i didnt prepare for was the fall. I followed you blindly trusting your voice only to be lead away from the truth. All I am left with are the lies you left, to burry myself with, for my grave. I will sleep now, knowing many lessons are learned, never forgetting the times we had. With my trust broken, I lay dieing in my perfect grave that you, yourself dug. You walk away leaving only the stars to witness your last act. Leaving me with only the broken shards of what was ... just an illusion...

Angel of light

My Angel of light, quietly heaven sent
Mending my ashen heart
Savior of hope, Reedemer of love in my frozen eyes
Beam of light that penitrates consuming darkness.

The smoldering flame that melts the bitterness in my heart, welding the broken pieces together again.
The guiding light to lead me out of the pit of hopless dispair.

Hands grasping, clinging, onto my glimpse, and glimmer of my one true happiness.
I have fallen. On this cold, hard groundwith this new prospect of eternal bliss.
Unprepared and weak for the journey ahead, yet you take me in your endless, unconditional embrace, again, never to let go....
♥♥♥

It is true that love catches us off guard. Never seeing it nudge and pull at our heart strings. Triping us into the puddle of Bitter-sweetness. I was sick of the "Maybe's" and "What if's";Only to simply to find my "Real deal". My heart melted at his words, never expeting it to be My fairytale. He has done more for me then he or I even know, or comprehend. He caught me off guard and pulled me into his arms. I know he is here to teach me how to truly love, and BE loved. And THAT was something I didnt even know I needed. He constantly takes my breathe away... His intentions only to prove his love to me constantly, hopeing, never expecting for my love in return. But he has it. We both have so much to gain and to loose... but that doesnt matter.. as long as we have each other...

♥♥♥

Happiness is a choice!

I needed a place to vent and here is were I'm going to say a little of what i am feeling..

Sometimes I get so sick of the pain I have to go through in life.. and sometimes it feels like its the only thing you ever get to feel.. but that's just it. Happiness is a CHOICE, but sometimes its the hardest choice to make! You want to get back up, but that is also a hard choice to make as well.. it is hard getting up on your own, but that is the great thing, you are never alone. You always have your savior. Its hard sometimes to have faith that he is there, because you cant see him physically but he is ALWAYS there. He has his loving hand out for you to grab.. all you have to DECIDE is to take it. And i think that is the first step to true happiness.

Pain is an extraordinary thing. When you go through it it is excruciating, but when the trial is over, it makes us that much stronger. It is sooo HARD to get through pain.. some of the hardest things in life are because of pain. I think that one day we will understand pain fully , and for right now that is enough for me to know, i will KNOW why it is i had each and every trail of pain in my life, and it all had its purpose. That is the true comfort to me in the reasoning with pain.

When it comes to pain and your heart...Your heart can feel like it has been ripped out and stabbed, shredded, and stomped on, then you carefully try to scotch tape it back together, knowing it will never be the same.. only hoping someone will come along to super glue it back together, knowing he/she will have to take you; some broken pieces missing, but none the less wholeheartedly, willing and loving, able to take you into their arms and hold you together as long as it may take. Willing to wait and love you, while you heal. Pain eventually ebbs, and you can dismiss it, and eventually let go. Each step, each dawn brightens a little more each day, as we slowly release the pain and move on. Not ever fully forgetting. For pain is never fully gone, imprinted on our hearts, by a scalpel, left with scares, but the one thing we all have to realize is happiness IS a CHOICE!

Slipped away

Have you ever sat poundering why you hold on the way you do to someone for so long? Maybe we dont want to let go because we are afraid of the pain we may feel. We would rather hold on for our dear lives then face the facts. And rather then feeling the pain 100 knives couldnt compair, we turn and cling to a reality that doesnt exsist except in our own mind. Maybe we're afraid of when and if we do realize its that way, and afraid of the after. Will that person change to someone we dont recognize..or have they really been that way the whole time? And its "me" that is changeing...
It all comes down to that fact that these people were and are a part of our lives and have left their fingerprints on our hearts. And no matter how hard we try to forget we know we can't.
The truth of it is we dont let go until we are ready...And sometimes thats why we have to wait.......
We let go........

AVRIL LAVIGNE LYRICS"Slipped Away"

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
OooohNa na na na na na na
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh
I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same
oooh...Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you

Will love find a way?

Somthing i just cant understand is the world outside my door. The world is full of anger, hate, pride, and bitterness. How is it we can go blindly into something and turn our backs on what our country stands for. We wanted revenge from 9-11, and we turned our back on that thing we first thought we wanted. And ended up turning against each other. What happened to a world brought together by love and peace? Was there such a thing? Us who have faith believe one day it will come. Those who are sceptic think Our world will only ever be shadowed by darkness. How can we have hope if that is our perspective? What does revenge solve? We think that it will subdue our feelings of anger, it only shadows our motive, pride. Why do we result to anger and haterid, when love overcomes all . Our pride and bitterness get in the way of truly being able to show love to those who have done us wrong.
I believe......... Love IS the answer.

I Believe Lyrics » Blessid Union Of Souls

Walk blindly to the light
and reach out for his hand
Don't ask any questions
and don't try to understand
Open up your mind and then open up your heart
And you will see that you and me aren't very far apart
'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
Violence is spread worldwide and there are families on the street
And we sell drugs to children now oh why can't we just see
That all we do is eliminate our future with the things we do today
Money is our incentive now so that makes it okay
But I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I've been seeing Lisa now for a little over a year
She said she's never been so happy but Lisa lives in fear
That one day daddy's gonna find out she's in love
With a nigger from the streets
Oh how he would lose it then
but she's still here with me
'Cause she believes that love will see it through
And one day he'll understand
And he'll see me as a person not just a black man
'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
Love will find the wayLove will find the way
Love will find the way
Please love find the way
Please love find the way

Pain

pain /peɪn/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[peyn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun ..> 1. physical suffering or distress, as due to injury, illness, etc. ..> ..> 2. a distressing sensation in a particular part of the body: a back pain. ..> ..> 3. mental or emotional suffering or torment: I am sorry my news causes you such pain. ..> ..> 4. pains, ..> a. laborious or careful efforts; assiduous care: Great pains have been taken to repair the engine perfectly. ..> ..> b. the suffering of childbirth. ..>..>

 There are certain things i just dont get. I am young and i understand that,but adults seem to think that the pain we go through at this age is insignificant and that we still have much more to learn. We do have to learn a lot, its part of the reason we are here on this earth. Pain, no matter how large or small it is, is still a huge deal and marks us and somtimes the wounds dont completely heal. To say that it is insignificant however, is a HUGE understatement. Pain is always very real to those whoever, go through it. NO MATTER the situation. Its true that we still have a lot to go through in our life, we are very young. Pain can leave bruises,cuts and scrapes, and in some cases sadly ashes in our hearts. We always think to ourselves we have had enough, and that there could hardly be anymore type of pain we can feel. That too, is a huge understatement. We also feel we have dug ourselves into a endless pit of misery, that we could hardly climb out of; but each time we seem to brush ourselves off and get back up. What is life but, trial and error? How else to we learn? But like all things..they eventually FADE... it never leaves us, leaving us half stitched. Once we are touched by pain we are never the same...We learn to forget, and learn to move on... Love burns... Either way good or bad.. the flames can lick our hearts, and make our hearts feel as though our chests can no longer contain them. And others... it smolders our heart turning it to ashes.... But it eventually FADES AWAY.............. ~*~*~* ~*~*~* As always the lyrics that inspired my words...so truthfully they arnt mine.. In this case two songs.... CELINE DION LYRICS:"Fade Away" I learned from the past Not everything lasts I understand that now Everything changed When you walked away But I'll survive somehow Though I have regrets I'll learn to forget And just keep moving on Cause when love is goneYou have to be strong Once touched by pain You're not the same But time can heal Your heart again So let the clouds That bring you down Just fade awayAway So I try to smile But after a while The memories come back But I won't give in Cause I know that then My heart will fade to black And this time I learned That love can burn There's no right or wrong I've got to be strong Once touched by pain You're not the same But time can heal Your heart again So let the clouds That bring you down Just fade away AwayI know that one day I'll find that feeling again But until I do I'll do fine by myself Once touched by pain You're not the same But time can healYour heart again So let the clouds That bring you down You know that Once touched by pain You're not the same But time can healYour heart again So let the cloudsThat bring you down So let the cloudsThat bring you down Just fade awayAway DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL LYRICS:"Saints And Sailors" This is where I say I've had enough and no one should ever feel the way that I feel now. A walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises and I don't believe that I'm getting any better, any better. [Chorus] Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring and I'm thinking awful things and I'm pretty sure that few would notice. And this apartmentis starving for an argument. Anything at all to break the silence. Wandering this houselike I've never wanted out and this is about as social as I get now. And I'm throwing away the letters that I am writing you' cause they would never do, I would never do, never. [Chorus] So don't be a liar, don't say that "everything's working" when everything's broken. And you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor and your eyes say the joke's on me. But I'm not laughing and you're not leaving and who do I think I am kidding When I'm the only one locked in this cell? [Chorus] So don't be a liar,don't say that "everything's working" when everything's broken. And you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor and your eyes say the joke's on me.

Light surrounding you

AS always my blog was inspired by a song.. and well there are a few people who inspired it too and that cant go untold.

As being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of latterday saints, there have been people who have told us that we have a certain light about us. Sounds weird but, i finally know what they mean by that. I think I have all along.

Its the light within that shines brightest. Through our actions and our beliefs (members) we show who we really are. We know what we are doing is right, and that through the trials in life we learn that, that aspect is reinforced. We learn to see, that light, in others and believeing that, they also can change. That is part of our light also, see the light in others they may not see in themselves. We have to believe that others can change.. or else what hope is there for the world? The evil outside our door is overwhelming and sometimes it consumes us.That is where the light MUST shine through the darkness. Or there is no chance to fight the evil that befalls us in this world. The light within although hard sometimes to shine forth through the darkness is the only thing in the end that can penatrate it. We have to believe this world can change.. if we dont who will?

Light Surrounding you: Evermore

I see you by the water
Your toes dipped in the sand
I thought that it was over
I thought you’d understand
But the feeling is returning
Though time has made us change
And I understand if you don’t
Wanna talk to me about it
Tonight
Oh, tonight
Cos I see the light surrounding you
So don’t be afraid of something new
Time was overtaking me
And I guess I was confused
They were all inviting me
But I wish I had refused
Cos I’d been there before
And I’ve seen it all
And I believe in you
And if you never had my heart
I would’ve never called you back
At the start that night
And I want you to know
That I see the light surrounding you
So don’t be afraid of something new
Cos I see the light surrounding you
So don’t be afraid of what you’re turning into
Blue-eyed sun shines on me
In the morning
Can’t help but feel a little cold
Thinking of you
Cos I see the light surrounding you
So don’t be afraid of something new
Cos I see the light surrounding you
So don’t be afraid of what you’re turning into
No, don’t be afraid
Don’t be afraid
Cos I see the light
Cos I see the light
Cos I see the light surrounding you